Family Home Violence

If Amaya turns out okay, everyone will wipe their foreheads with their pointer and middle fingers, and say, "Whew. That was a close one."

It's no secret I love action movies and have no problem watching good guys beat up bad guys. I guess a little (ok, so it's big) part of me wants to be a CIA agent feared for her physical and mental prowess. Amaya has decided I'm the bad guy, and she's the good guy, so she punches me with her little fists, in rapid fire motion like I'm a speed bag.

While watching Kung Fu Panda for the 10th time, I caught her trying to punch out the screen on the computer during the crucial battle scene.

I might have chalked that up to an anomaly, had she not been lately saying, "Hiiiiiiii YA!" and chopping me with her miniature karate hands. This is a perfect mirror of Miss Piggy in The Muppet Show, if you didn't know.

So now I'm wondering. Should I be nurturing this, or squelching it? Maybe I can press upon her my dreams of espionage and Mission Impossible scenarios. Once we get past all of the hitting other little kids in nursery part of it anyway.

Famous for Our Looks

I have a theory about people getting noticed and famous because they look like someone else, hence Naomi and Nicole.

Can I just say here that, sorry, People magazine, I know Hugh Jackman looks like Patrick Dempsey, but he's not the same. Whoops! I won't tell anyone you messed up.

People always tell me I look like so-'n-so who is famous, but I never think they're right.

In this case, I suppose, it's pretty undeniable. Everyone has been calling us sisters lately.

So now I just have to wait for Carol to get famous so that I can get famous too.

If you want to be a 21st Century Woman

Do not hesitate to leave the Costco sized box of super sized tampons in plain sight in the bathroom. You can even leave single tampons in easy to reach places around the house. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

If you have a baby, constantly remind "people" (read "students") that you have way more important things to do than cater to their "needs" (read "grade papers within any sort of reasonable time period").

When you cook, use every dish in the house, because now you don't have to clean up. You also don't have to clean up when your husband cooks, because he got the dishes dirty.

Explain to your husband that blogging is a perfectly acceptable way to work on crafting your writing style.

Watching Grey's Anatomy can be totally canceled out by watching "24" or any other action-oriented guy show. It can even make you feel diverse. You can up the ante by gushing about documentaries and foreign films.

Get your literature reading in a little every day, by placing a book on the toilet. I have already finished two books this year.

Tortured Artists Live

Jake and I watched "Control" last night, the story about Joy Division's singer Ian Curtis. Painful.
I asked Jake if watching this was going to affect him as a brooding artist. He looked over at me, seriously, and said, "Um. Maybe. I still want to watch it."
I think I could never be a great writer. I am not a tortured artist. Annoyed, selfish, obnoxious artist, yes, but not tortured.
Jake is a tortured artist, but at the good end of tortured artist. The passionate about art end, but just enough brooding to keep him motivated.
The other reason I think he's on the good end of tortured artist: We're watching near the end of the movie, and I remark how it's totally crazy sad that Ian Curtis can't even enjoy his own success. He was so much happier before he became successful. He says, "Yeah, I was just thinking how much fun we'd be having. It's the part where you're trying to become successful that sucks!"

p.s. Did you notice the shirt?

The Facts of Life

In honor of The Moth and this week's Andy Borowitz story, I thought I'd write a post with a moral:

"If your 2 year old is bugging you incessantly about eating cheetos at 8 in the morning, and you insist there are none in the house, give them to her once you figure out your husband bought some and was trying to hide them from you behind all the cereal."

I have lost all semblance of nutrition with her. I am so frustrated by the fact that she would rather eat some dust, cockroach poop, or bug bodies she finds on the floor than dinner, that I am just throwing food at her that I think she might actually eat.
What she likes:
Mr. Freeze pops
red apples (she eats a few bites, but only if it is a whole and perfectly good apple, after that we have to finish it)
hot dogs
gold fish
chicken
cheese
grapes
chocolate chips (she climbs up the island in the kitchen and stuffs as many in her mouth as possible before we find her)
cake
the insides of tiny tomatoes
ketchup
salad dressing
juice
milk
fruit we find hiking, even if it is rotting on the ground
easy mac
chef boyardee
white rice with seaweed
almonds stolen from Pam's house (even though we have the same bag)
Uncle Donald's (McDonald's-- I have NEVER taken her there, I PROMISE)
cheetos

Except for sweets, she is inconsistent about her "yes" foods.

She refuses to eat bread, grains, or vegetables. Please tell me I am not raising a picky eater. I loathe picky eating. Just ask my brother. I've made a few things from Jessica Seinfeld's book where you hide nutrition through vegetable purees, but she didn't even like those things.
She will never eat if she doesn't like the food. She would much rather go hungry than eat what does not appeal to her, so the old mantra "they'll eat when they're hungry" is totally false.

So tell me, what would YOU do?

Spinach Orange Julius

So maybe you don't read my blog for the good eats.
But even if you're not a cook you could make this. Spinach smoothie. Yum.
Cooks Think.

Overheard

1. Amaya: "Mom, can I go to the party a little later on?"
(there was no party, she just figured if she requested, that a party could be summoned.)

2. After hearing a loud noise on the tv, Amaya said, "Oh! Was that John McCain?" She also calls Obama "Uncle Bama." I claim total ignorance on this one.

3. "The lama says, 'no touchee, no touchee.'" (yes, this would be from "The Emperor's New Groove". For a second after she said this, I was thinking, "What? Is that what a lama sounds like?")

So tell me, just what are we teaching this child?

Ahi Wrap

Hello Blog Buddies.
I finally posted the Ahi Wrap. I know, you were all standing on pins and needles waiting for it.

It's so yummy. I'll send anyone a bottle of dressing (well, let's say I'll send to the first 5 requesters) if you can't get it where you live.